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This piece was selected as one of the honorable mentions for the AAA’s AnthroDay Student Unessay Competition. This year’s competition was inspired by the Annual Meeting theme, “On the Verge.”
“On the Verge” is a song that dives into the feelings an individual experiences during a time spent in the ICU. The phrase “on the verge” usually has a connotation of time as short as a blink of an eye, but this song describes a prolonged, uncertain situation on the verge of life and death. Drawing on a personal experience of being hospitalized, this song explores the anxiety and hope that arise when time, identity, and autonomy are suspended, and calls for jointly filling the void left by culture and the system.
My time frozen, filled with vacant,
As identity and independence,
from student to patient
completely taken over
But I am sober, I am awake, I am despondent.
Who can answer my questions
What’s the next treatment
Will tomorrow get better
Where’s emotional comfort
When can I end this state
When can I go back to life
This is taking forever
dying is a prolonged uncertainty
Can we confront the ongoing fraught situation together?
we’re left on the cliff unable to take stride
the void of culture and system left patients crashed at the first
I wait the day to fulfill.
My time frozen, filled with vacant
As identity and independence
from student to patient
completely taken over
But I am sober, I am awake, I am despondent,
This is transcendent.
Can we confront the ongoing fraught situation together?
we’re left on the cliff unable to take stride
the void of culture and system left patients crashed at the first
I wait the day to fulfill.
Between life and death
Known and unknown
Meaning and absurdity
Moving back and forth
Can we open the door
Can we link our islands
It’s not bipolar
It’s interconnected
Can we confront the ongoing fraught situation together?
we’re left on the cliff unable to take stride
the void of culture and system left patients crashed at the first
I wait the day to fulfill.